The Newest Brunt Of My Corporate Wrath

Staples! So, listen to this saga. For Christmas I bought my mother a very nice, cute, and compact photo printer. My mom being practical and thrifty, yet entirely appreciative, knew she did not really need it. I, being somewhat scatterbrained, lost the receipt. So returning it was destined to be a problem. (Staples, not quite so easy) But good old mom wrastled her way to a full return for store credit, in the form of a lovely Staples giftcard, which my mom immediately handed over to me. Yippee! But what did I want to buy from the office superstore? Actually, nothing, unless they sold iTunes giftcards. I wasn't sure if they would, but I was tickled when I walked into the store and was pleasantly welcomed by a whole wall of them! Double Yay!

So I bought a large number of cards and happily sauntered to the cash register. There is always drama at the West Orange, Staples cash registers, but it didn't even bother me. The cashier even joked, "Someone likes to download music!" and I smiled. It was all utterly cordial, until I was harshly told that iTunes cards cannot be purchased with a Staples card. It is almighty "policy." It is written and taped to the counter, which clearly is where any rational argument ends.

But I was not done. Find my conversation with Rhonda, a Staples customer service rep. Staples. NOT SO EASY! I will never shop there again.

Initial Question/Comment: Why can I not use a Staples giftcard to buy iTunes cards?
Welcome to Staples. We will be with you shortly. *The estimated wait time is an estimation and may or may not be an accurate reflection of your wait time. However, your position in queue is accurate.

Rhonda has joined this session! Connected with Rhonda
Paul: Hello
Rhonda: Hello Paul
Paul: I was very disappointed to learn a Staples giftcard could not be used to buy an iTunes card
Rhonda: The gift cards are limited to purchases, they can not be used for staples.com orders, only store purchases. I am sorry about that.
Paul: I went to the store and tried to buy them there
(long pause)
Paul: Hello?
Rhonda: I am sorry about that,
Paul: Should I be able to buy them in the store? Given what you said, it sounds like I can, just not from staples.com
Rhonda: Did the store tell you this could not be applied to iTunes?
Paul: yes
Rhonda: I am sorry, they can not be used for that purchase, I understand that is frustrating,
Paul: Very. It really doesn't make any sense
Rhonda: It should specify the requirements on the back of the card.
Paul: Is there any reason why a staples card can only be applied to certain items bought from staples?
Rhonda: I am sorry, I do not know why,
Paul: Well, I will remember this. I had higher hopes from Staples
Paul: Thank you for your help
Rhonda: You as well.

When I Run Hollywood

To further prove how savvy I am in the entertainment world, I offer - sans finder fee - the following projects. Basically these actresses should be playing sisters - not Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. Let's start the fun!

1. Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Ok, these two are really dead ringers. It makes so much sense. One would be a strung out hooker, the other a strung out crackwhore. They can flip a coin. Co-dependent fun! The movie would be crazy depressing and intense. Oscar noms for both.

2. Julia Roberts and Juliette Binoche. These two have very similar features. Maybe Juliette Binoche ran away to France at a young age and then their mother died and Julia Roberts had to go back to Europe for a tense reunion. Total chick-flick.

3. Emily Blunt and Marion Cotillard. If you thought Shue and Jason Leigh were dead ringers, check this out! Maybe this film could have a bit of a horror/thriller aspect to it; or better yet, some weird doubling trippiness, penned by Charlie Kaufmann. Makes sense.

4. Winona Ryder and Keira Knightley. Two hip trendy New Yorkers fall in love with the same guy. A lot of tension ensues. I don't know what happens, but I can see them wearing a lot of couture trench coats and stuff.

5. Lesley Ann Warren and Susan Sarandon. Susan is an upscale rich socialite; Lesley is her homebody embarrassment of a sister. One of them gets sick. The other must care for her. Basically Marvin's Room without the beach.

6. Meryl Streep and Tilda Swinton. I don't know if they are sisters or mother/daughter. Maybe Meryl is the mom and Tilda moves back in after abandoning her family. She needed to find herself again and wise Mom has all the answers.

7. Kate Beckinsale and Parker Posey. Let's throw some comedy into the mix. Not that Beckinsale will ever be noted for her adept comic timing. This movie will be NYC neurotic city. Parker is crazy and Kate is perfect. This movie will have no plot, but will feature hot outfits and fancy drinks.

8. Charlize Theron and Tara from Friday Night Lights. Charlize is the hot older sister who got away. Tara is the hot younger sister who needs to get away. Charlize returns home and convinces Tara to come to the big city and live with her. Everything goes wonderfully for Tara; she misses her at home boyfriend, but in the end, he comes around and moves in with her.

9. Nicole Kidman and Amy Adams. Ok, now you have to imagine a pre-crazy plastic surgery Nicole Kidman. This movie would actually never work, but Days of Thunder Nikki would have matched up nicely with Amy. They are both spoiled sisters, thrust out on their own; most likely a period piece, competing for husbands or something.

10. Alicia Silverstone and Christine Taylor. The sisterhood which has been waiting to happen for years. The only way to salvage this clearly abominal movie would be to attempt at some kind of Romy&Michelle funness. It may go straight to DVD and then live on TBS.

I realize these stories are redonk, but the casting is sublime.