This is all I am going to say about this Oscars

I had a fun time watching the show. It moved smoothly and felt like it was going by quickly which I think is the truest sign of a good host. That and if I don't viscerally hate said host by the end of the broadcast, then that is success in my book. Anyway, there were no real winners to get excited over, except for one, and everyone is talking about her so I guess I should too: Marion Cotillard.

Now, when I first saw Le Vie, I didn't really like it. It started out promising, but then took a dour turn. I had no idea Edith Piaf/Pilaf was so annoying as a person, crazy, and to a very real extent, mentally challenged. Mostly, how yelly she was, in an annoying way, really got to me, in a bad way. I am not sure if her performance was so great so much as the editing (lip-synching), the music, and the makeup to age her. We shouldn't be surprised over her win because basically any man who played a star in a biopic, aging about 70 years in the process, was a shoo-in to win, so it is nice to see we are no longer sexist in that respect. Keeping with tradition, the woman who takes on the role which has the greatest physical spectacle/achievement, is also a safe bet.

My evidence:
1995 Susan Sarandon -- Dead Man Walking: Started the NO MAKE-UP trend, which is huge.
1996 Frances McDormand -- Fargo: Her pregnancy was her character
1997 Helen Hunt -- As Good As It Gets: She is kinda an exception here. She also didn't deserve to win, but she did wear a white t-shirt in the rain.
1998 Gwyneth Paltrow -- Shakespeare in Love: Girl playing a boy on stage
1999 Hilary Swank -- Boys Don't Cry: Girl playing a real boy real well
2000 Julia Roberts -- Erin Brockovich: Holy boobs and wonder bra!
2001 Halle Berry -- Monster's Ball: More huge boobs, and no make-up
2002 Nicole Kidman -- The Hours: Fake nose, I can't believe I actually pointed that out.
2003 Charlize Theron -- Monster: Ugly Monster
2004 Hilary Swank -- Million Dollar Baby: Trained...got really butch
2005 Reese Witherspoon -- Walk the Line: Another exception, but she did go brunette.
2006 Helen Mirren -- The Queen: Transformation
2007 Marion Cotillard -- La Vie en Rose: Transformation again

Oh, and Marion's win was the only surprise and her dress was the only one really memorable in hindsight. Hers and perfect Penelope's!

Get This Woman A Script, and I'm In

What is it about Nicole Kidman movies? No, seriously, what is it about her in movies? She is pretty much everything I should hate in an actress, but, annoying Moulin Rouge and Bewitched aside, I am pretty much into every movie that she makes and find Nikki Kids to be an incredible actress. How weird is that?

I just saw Margot at the Wedding. All frumpy and homey (because you only get cred as a serious actress, if you can play sans make-up) Kidman pretty much delivered hardcore, yet again. She was very hostile, and angry, and sarcastic, and bitter, and passive aggressive, so of course I was gonna love that, but it is pretty remarkable that someone so in the spotlight can a) choose some pretty daring, always different roles and b) always succeed in being believably different from herself. Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, et al. take note.

Altho Margot was entirely baffling to me, it did skyrocket to 3rd in my line of fave Nikki Kidz movies. First and foremost will pretty much always be the wickedly hilarious To Die For. Interesting, if you look at her nose in this clip. Not the same nose, Nicole. 2nd is The Others, where she has never looked better and delivered her most poised, mature, graceful performance. 3rd shall be Margot.

Now, what further makes me marvel at why I like Nicole Kidman's performances is that she seems like the type of blond who would actually walk into glass windows. Look here. Seriously, how does this woman pull off such acting feats when in real life I would bet she has nary a brain cell.

Kudos and curses to thee, Nikki.

Insert My Much Cuter Face Below

But other than that, to quote Julia Roberts, "COLOR ME HAPPY!" I am head-over-heels-in-love with Netflix and swimming in a veritable orgy of their splendor these days. So let's take a moment to gush and show our (my) appreciation. And let it be said, frankly, I think they know a good renter when they spot one and they clearly like to keep their best customers happy. That's smart business.

Last week, despite reported long waits, I got some very hot awards season-fare The Brave One, Elizabeth, Gone Baby Gone, and even Across the Universe. Too bad, none of them were that great at all, but who cares! Netflix LOVES ME!

And if things couldn't get any creamier, I returned two movies on Saturday. This past Monday was President's Day, mind you, and I didn't think the mail was working, so I was gearing up for and fully accepting a major blow to my Q. So on Monday, I see that my movies arrived at that Eden on Earth, the Netflix warehouse in New Brunswick, NJ, which was nice and unexpected. Apparently Netflix was open on President's Day, Score one for me. But surely the mail certainly was not running to pick up my movies and get them to me by Tuesday??? Even their emails to me fully outlined that I would receive The Silence (for my devastating Bergman Rutgers class) and Margot at the Wedding (which I have been dreaming about forever) on Wednesday. Again, fine with me. Mind you, Margot just came out on DVD like 2 hours ago and had a wait to some capacity. So somehow, SOMEHOW, I come home from a lackluster gym workout and my two movies are waiting for me! How did Netflix do it!??!?!?! I don't know. They must be wizards.

And again, they love me. So I am putting them to the test. I put Michael Clayton to the top of my queue. This movie has a VERY LONG WAIT - I have never done well with those; so we'll see if Netflix again bumps me to the front of the line.

More on this soon.
Yay, netflix. If they continue spoiling me like this, I will never even try to get a life anymore, and who would blame me?

Goodbye to Monica; we were lucky to have her

Monica Seles officially retired. This is sad - especially considering that recently there was talk of a comeback. It had been over 5 years since she played apparently so one would not really expect too much in the comeback arena, but still how nice it would have been to see her pounding the ball, double-fisting from both sides. She has even slimmed down again, which was inspiring.

Anyway, I just love Seles for every reason imaginable. Her entrance to the tour, blowing everyone off the court with her power, and let's face it, she certainly should be credited for raising the level of play of everyone who came after her - or at least the strength and power. Granted, it was inevitable, but she certainly revolutionized this. Everything about her is just so interesting, even beyond her fierce groundstrokes. Off the court, she seemed like a non-stop gigglefest. I often wondered how she could be so tough on the court when afterwards, it didn't seem like she took anything seriously. There is much talk lately about grunting in the women's game. Apparently grunting for men is no issue. Well, Monica grunted first. I thought it was amazing and totally fun. I know most disagree with me.

I guess it can' be a tribute to Seles unless we acknowledge that fateful day in 1993. I won't dwell on it, because I am sure Monica wouldn't want me to, but on that day, she got stabbed in the back by a crazy Steffi Graf fan. She is still haunted. And who could blame her.

Graf and Seles probably have the 2nd greatest rivalry after Navratilova and Chris Evert, but this stabbing is just freaky and almost makes me think twice about even commenting on their rivalry. If you are counting, Graf holds a commanding lead 10-5, which kinda shocks me. As I recall Seles was kinda owning Graf for a while, but I was like 14 so it is all so hazy.

Monica won 9 slam titles: 4 Australian, 3 French, 2 US Open, Finalist at Wimbledon once, Finalist at the US Open two other times, and one more at the French.

Here is a link to her US Open semifinal match against Capriati in 1991, which rightfully stands as one of the best women's matches ever.

Thanks for being there for us, Monica.
I think you should coach Jelena.

It Made Sense in My Dream: Cocker Westie

The other night I had a delightful dream. Really. And in my dream I had a dog (I know, right?); not that that is so interesting or remotely delightful in and of itself. But in my dream my dog's name was Alleluia (alternate spelling Halleluiah). I find this to be an amazing dog name. "Come here, Alleluia!" or "Alleluia, leave me alone!" or "Don't be afraid, Alleluia doesn't bite" could all be wonderful things to say. So once again, the notion struck me as it does every so often: Do I want a dog?

I don't know why I sometimes think I do. Actually, I could probably easily psychoanalyze this, but I don't need to give any credence to those theories, or at least I should not voice them myself. Anywho, having a dog is so in right now, which actually would be more of a detractor for me than anything else. And much like Juno, maybe I need to put the bonds of loyalty really to the test. But that doesn't seem fair to Alleluia. The only real reason I have ever thought maybe I would like one is that I think it could be an interesting experiment for me, but I hear neglecting a dog can be a criminal offense. My argument of "I knew that was gonna happen; I just wanted to double check" probably wouldn't hold in a court of law. Damn. And now this 2nd reason (the name Alleluia) is certainly tempting.

So I took a dog quiz. Given my answers, I am surprise the quiz even churned out a response. I have no desire to ever groom my dog, and my ideal dog is hairless, mute, and as close to invisible as possible. But the quiz gave me three choices and the clear winner of the three was none other than the Cocker Westie. Who knew this freakshow even existed? This dog is by no means freaky; it is quite cute, but the name sure does make me giggle.

So let's weigh the Pros: A kick ass name, a giggly breed, and um, a reality show in the making? Dog Hater Gets Dog

The cons: I hate odors and barking. The crazy dog girl upstairs already has two too many dogs I never want to see on a daily basis. I don't want to pay to feed it. I don't want dog hair anywhere. I hate neediness. Picking up dog feces seems like a fate which should only be reserved for Greek tragic heroes.

I am a firm believer, sometimes, in the notion that dreams hold truths. Drowning puppies is always a good punch-line to a joke. Maybe I woke up too soon. Sorry dog lovers; it was my subconscious, not me.

R.I.P. Alleluia, R.E.M.
Who existed for a mere nanosecond, if you believe the science of sleep